(This is a dramatic monologue in the voice of the female characters of Gautham Menon’s cop trilogy: ‘Kaakha Kaakha'(2003), ‘Vettaiyaadu Vilayaadu’ (2006) and ‘Yennai Arindhaal’ (2015). Those who have watched the trilogy would understand the concerns of the monologue. It is strictly not a piece of fan fiction as it is impossible to enjoy the butchering of three strong characters by a talented director capable of so much better. This is copyrighted (All Rights Reserved) content was originally published by me on Wattpad.)
I saw you for the very first time as you punished and dispersed the truant college boys who harassed the girls at the bus stop. You were the good guy, no doubt. Those young, impressionable minds in my care didn’t have to see the bad example the harassers were setting. That was when our eyes met and your expression was unreadable, Anbuselvan. In one minute, your rage torn face tried to register shock and confusion on seeing a teacher guide her children away from you. Was it because I feared that they too would begin to replicate your actions and pretend that all could be settled with a couple of blows? Part of me felt that way. Like you, my future love, I felt confused. Little did I know that I too would one day receive a blow like that, just so you could ‘become manlier ‘. Admit it, Anbuselvan; you set yourself to extract every detail out of me as though I were a criminal. At the grocery store, you crossed the bounds of decency to verbally accost me. I guess you felt that I’d give in for fear of you. That, I believe, drew you to me. You can’t blame me for thinking that you were a vagabond cum harasser especially after the anklet episode. I was bent on avoiding you, Anbuselvan. Then came the epiphanic moment when your identity as a cop became apparent to me. Did you change from stalker to guardian angel overnight? I have need for neither. Had. That was until we fell in love. Or rather, when you learnt to admit that to yourself. The villains that you chased began to chase you. I didn’t see what kind of masculinity you were lacking. You ticked every box I could ever construe. Brave, strong, dutiful, unfeeling as a rock (just you wait!) and aggressive. Was I just a prop that messed with your DNA? Did feelings happen to you only after I walked in (away, in our case)? Nevertheless, I fell in love with you, Anbuselvan. You embodied the textbook values that school instilled in children. You fought for what was right, inspired people to walk with their heads held high and impelled them to be strong and committed to their craft. My breath hitched as that bottle of water in guise of acid was thrown at your face. Would I allow the face I’d die for to be ruined by a hooligan’s instrument? No, Anbuselvan, my conscience and my cosmos would never let me rest in peace. I sat watching as you metamorphosed into the hero that would literally return from a death-like situation. You were already a man to me. You were The Man. But you just wouldn’t agree with me. “Are you crazy?” your body language seemed to ask when you laid that gun on the stool as you came to see me at home. Yes, Anbuselvan, I was crazy in love with you. You cried tears of grief and defeat as you held me in your arms on the way to the hospital. I imagine you did the same as you held my corpse in that godown. Oh, my love. He didn’t even wait for the first night of our life to pass. He had me killed.
Somehow, He reincarnated me, Raghavan. He raised us from the dead. I became Kayalvizhi, a mellowed Maya. You became Raghavan, a mellowed Anbuselvan. It was love at first sight..for you! How you have changed. Gone was the stiff, apprehensive policeman who warned me of his emotionless-ness. Now, you have become jovial and smart at pickup lines! He designed me to drop all resistance to falling for a man I met just two hours ago. Boy, I suppose you swept me off my feet with that smart-talking mouth of yours. When you said that things were moving too fast for you, someone bothered to listen. How I wish you paid me that compliment. Things moved so fast that my end too neared quickly. At least He waited for our honeymoon to be over. Was it His hurry or yours that our wedding should happen and get consummated at breakneck speed? Those fast paced scenes of love culminated in my murderer’s swiftness in throwing me off the first floor of that dark construction site. Being your wife never protected me like it did during my last hours as Maya. But what of me, Raghavan? Do my virtues and vices get pigeonholed over the course of your proposal, a song that chronicles our honeymoon and ends shortly before my murder? I know that you are a man of feeling, Raghavan. As my soul wandered restlessly, you lay by my lifeless body and wept.
He then assigned me to the body of a graceful dancer: a strong willed woman named Hemanika. You loosened up and became wiser: Sathyadev IPS. With every reincarnation, you became more persistent and I, hesitant. You became Maya and I, a feminine Anbuselvan. We courted; you won Esha’s heart by unconsciously becoming her surrogate father. I feared falling in love with you despite wholeheartedly plunging into it. You knew this too well. Why else would I discreetly guide you into the darkness of night as Esha slept peacefully in her bedroom? You’d have me at any cost, braving rebuke and the upheavals of living with a divorcee. Yet, you saw in me a human being worth loving. You gave me the love and respect that that man never gave. You gave Esha the care and attention he blatantly deprived her of. Every time you watched me teach my students dance, I saw admiration in your eyes. I’ve never told you that I felt the same for you. Our silences have spoken more than our voices have. He decided that I must however be disallowed from speaking. Those knives were plunged into my body even before we tied the knot. I wondered if His sole purpose in creating me was to finish me off so quickly. Oh, how I yearned to spend every day of my life with you, Sathya. I still do it though, as a photograph on Esha’s wall. I am forced to contend myself with seeing that you are taking care of her well. Who is this fringe haired woman you are slowly replacing me with? Could you just remove the layer of glass and that ornate wooden frame you have trapped my smiling form in?
Was I made strong that you could be stronger? Did my dying liberate you from the vitality of life that you so badly needed? He doesn’t see fit that I must live, darling. I too want to live with you, look into your eyes, bear our children and grow old with you. Why has your courage killed me? What have those villains of yours to do with me, an innocent female spirit? Have they achieved their vengeance and have you, through that fatal encounter, attained manliness?
I was Maya.
I was Kayalvizhi
I was Hemanika
I am a nobody against He that willed me to die. I exist only in your memory, darling Anbuselvan/Raghavan/Sathyadev. I still hope I do.